A woman is replacing the cap on her tire valve. Standing beside her, leaning against the car and looking at a phone, is a man. What is your first thought here?
I wouldn't have thought about it at all, except that I saw this picture as a meme on Facebook. It said, "God, please protect my daughter from 'men' like him."
That tingled the ol' feminist spidey-sense.
What, pray tell, does she need to be protected from? Tires? Valves? Air? Listen, it's 2016. Women have been driving for 100 years now. It's not only likely, but probable, that some of us know how to operate and maintain our vehicles. And if my vehicle is the one that needs basic maintenance, please kindly step aside so I can take care of it. My car does not become your business simply because you have different reproductive organs.
We don't know the story behind the photo. What I see is that the woman looks calm and comfortable. The man is outside the car, not shut up in it, and though his mouth is closed in the photo, he appears to be keeping her company. A Facebook friend suggested he was searching for the correct tire pressure for her car, and received the response, "no, he's lazy." Why on Earth is that the immediate assumption here?
One more fact from the photo: the people are Black.
So I ask again, why is "he's lazy" the assumption?
When I commented that there is no reason a task which a woman is capable of doing should be done by a man, simply because of his gender, I was told to "relax, it's just a Facebook post."
Remind me to relax again when these blatantly sexist, and (probably) subconsciously racist, assumptions aren't being made.
11/13/2016
11/10/2016
American
The 2016 election was completely disheartening. It demonstrates that a message of intolerance resonated so well with 60 million of my countrymen that they raised the blustering spokesperson of that mentality to the highest office our nation offers. It is hard to comprehend how far backwards these voters are willing to set America's progression. I was shocked and upset. The next morning, it occurred to me that people only change when they're uncomfortable.
Sixty million people were so uncomfortable, they demanded a complete turnaround of leadership. For perspective's sake, keep in mind that 60 million Americans represent roughly 24% of the voting population. The election by this vocal minority of such an overwhelmingly insular person appears, to me, to be the dramatic final gasps of a dying ideal; one which makes the majority of Americans uncomfortable. So let's get uncomfortable. Let's keep backing intolerance into a corner by advocating for civil rights. Let's allow this event to strengthen our resolve to continue building the environment we want our children to live in. We can let our discomfort embolden us to be kind the way the result has emboldened those who wish ill on people who differ from them. We don't have to - and absolutely shouldn't - allow it to set us back.
Sixty million people were so uncomfortable, they demanded a complete turnaround of leadership. For perspective's sake, keep in mind that 60 million Americans represent roughly 24% of the voting population. The election by this vocal minority of such an overwhelmingly insular person appears, to me, to be the dramatic final gasps of a dying ideal; one which makes the majority of Americans uncomfortable. So let's get uncomfortable. Let's keep backing intolerance into a corner by advocating for civil rights. Let's allow this event to strengthen our resolve to continue building the environment we want our children to live in. We can let our discomfort embolden us to be kind the way the result has emboldened those who wish ill on people who differ from them. We don't have to - and absolutely shouldn't - allow it to set us back.
3/18/2015
Poet: Love
I was once quite the poet. I'm going to post some of those poems here. Some will be raw, some will be polished. There may even be first & final draft comparisons. Here's the first one.
Love
If I am in love, let it be my sanctuary
Let it guide and protect;
Let it encase me like a blanket
Across my shoulders and shielding my heart
Let it be classic and sophisticated
With excitement and wonder;
New and old all at once
Let it stick to my soul
Rather than slip through my fingers
Let the ease of its touches
Comfort and soothe;
Let it be worth all its troubles,
And let it flow like a river
Whose delta spills into my soul
If I am in love, let it be.
3/15/2015
Stay at Home Parent
I hate giving blog posts like this attention. I really, really do, because they are obvious emotional reflex testers; designed to stir controversy in order to draw attention. But in this case, I am happy to add my voice of dissent to such an insult to parents.
The work in question is "Being A Stay At Home Mother Is Not A Job," by Liz Pardue Schultz. She begins the article by saying she was a stay at home mother for five years, so that qualifies her to say that, even though it is hard work, it is not a job; it is a privilege, but a hobby. I understand that the author is applying a very narrow definition of the word 'job' to this entire assertion, and I won't disagree that those of us who are able to procreate are fortunate. I also won't say that it isn't worthy of being called a job. While 'job' has many definitions, 'hobby' is defined as an activity that is not a main occupation. I so very much wanted to stay home with my children, but I was not able to. I have worked full time (with one short bout of unemployment) throughout both of my kids' lives, and I still would never refer to raising them as a hobby. Their well being is my main occupation, regardless of what my career may be. If people begin viewing the propagation of our species as a hobby, we will die out. If people begin viewing parenting their children as a hobby, civilization will no doubt suffer greatly.
This excerpt reads, "having someone else foot the bill for a lifestyle that only benefits you and your close family is by no means a “job,”" just one paragraph after the phrase "the children they decided to contribute to society," is used. Ironic, since if we parents are doing our jobs successfully, the benefits will reach far beyond us and our close families. The choices we make as parents are our method of shaping the person we give the world into an asset to that world. That should not be minimized.
Secondarily, when referencing someone else footing the bill, is this defined as the other party who contributed to the creation of the child in question? It shouldn't need pointing out that it is very much also their bill to foot. Is this to mean the taxes that were pooled for assistance programs some parents participate in? The taxes that the author and her husband paid? The assistance programs that benefit the child that will later benefit society? Taxpayers also fund pubic schools, because it is an investment in our collective future. Is teaching a privilege? Perhaps for many, but it's also a job.
Another argument made is that running a household is something that every adult must do, regardless of their parental status, and they don't consider those things their life's work. I see her point; however, these things we do outside of a company-generated paycheck actually can contribute to one's career. Have you ever noticed that job applications prompt you to list any hobbies that may be relevant to the job? If you were seeking a career in child care, well, being a parent is experience. Going camping? Throwing a friend a party? Caring for your elderly parents? These (all are examples from the article) can be opportunities that allow you to answer those sometimes challenging "Tell me about a time when..." interview questions. Or, they may simply contribute to how you tackle a project at work. My point is there are hobbies we do that, while not generating income, are influences on our career, or our general world view.
A job is not only what you do outside the home, or what will fill the "Occupation" field on your death certificate. It is also not an undertaking that is only bitched about. A job can simply be the task you are obligated to do, and the choice to rear a human is quite an obligation (with many smaller obligations necessary to complete the task). Not everyone hates their job, but there are universally unappealing aspects. That is why for every happy mom she found in the groups she tried to fit into, there were three unhappy ones - you will find this to be the same in any corporate setting. Some professionals have competent coworkers, and understanding bosses. Most do not. Complaining about these frustrations and seeking others' understanding of them is necessary for our emotional well-being. Just as the author has done by writing the post in question.
For all that I disagree with here, I absolutely love this well said affirmation: "If you’re proud of how you’re living your life, there’s no need to rephrase it to make it more palatable to those who don’t agree with its worth." However, I find it misguided in its application here. There is nothing helpful about implying that stay at home parents are ashamed of their choice because they found an analogy that works for them. It is certainly discouraging to outright say that they do not have self respect. I truly believe that having parenthood viewed as the investment in and contribution to society that it is does help change the culture of criticism applied to this choice of lifestyle. Speaking as one of "the people out there who actually have" a job, mine is a lifestyle that is hard but definitely worth the struggle to me. It consists of my job as a company representative, and my job as a parent.
The work in question is "Being A Stay At Home Mother Is Not A Job," by Liz Pardue Schultz. She begins the article by saying she was a stay at home mother for five years, so that qualifies her to say that, even though it is hard work, it is not a job; it is a privilege, but a hobby. I understand that the author is applying a very narrow definition of the word 'job' to this entire assertion, and I won't disagree that those of us who are able to procreate are fortunate. I also won't say that it isn't worthy of being called a job. While 'job' has many definitions, 'hobby' is defined as an activity that is not a main occupation. I so very much wanted to stay home with my children, but I was not able to. I have worked full time (with one short bout of unemployment) throughout both of my kids' lives, and I still would never refer to raising them as a hobby. Their well being is my main occupation, regardless of what my career may be. If people begin viewing the propagation of our species as a hobby, we will die out. If people begin viewing parenting their children as a hobby, civilization will no doubt suffer greatly.
This excerpt reads, "having someone else foot the bill for a lifestyle that only benefits you and your close family is by no means a “job,”" just one paragraph after the phrase "the children they decided to contribute to society," is used. Ironic, since if we parents are doing our jobs successfully, the benefits will reach far beyond us and our close families. The choices we make as parents are our method of shaping the person we give the world into an asset to that world. That should not be minimized.
Secondarily, when referencing someone else footing the bill, is this defined as the other party who contributed to the creation of the child in question? It shouldn't need pointing out that it is very much also their bill to foot. Is this to mean the taxes that were pooled for assistance programs some parents participate in? The taxes that the author and her husband paid? The assistance programs that benefit the child that will later benefit society? Taxpayers also fund pubic schools, because it is an investment in our collective future. Is teaching a privilege? Perhaps for many, but it's also a job.
Another argument made is that running a household is something that every adult must do, regardless of their parental status, and they don't consider those things their life's work. I see her point; however, these things we do outside of a company-generated paycheck actually can contribute to one's career. Have you ever noticed that job applications prompt you to list any hobbies that may be relevant to the job? If you were seeking a career in child care, well, being a parent is experience. Going camping? Throwing a friend a party? Caring for your elderly parents? These (all are examples from the article) can be opportunities that allow you to answer those sometimes challenging "Tell me about a time when..." interview questions. Or, they may simply contribute to how you tackle a project at work. My point is there are hobbies we do that, while not generating income, are influences on our career, or our general world view.
A job is not only what you do outside the home, or what will fill the "Occupation" field on your death certificate. It is also not an undertaking that is only bitched about. A job can simply be the task you are obligated to do, and the choice to rear a human is quite an obligation (with many smaller obligations necessary to complete the task). Not everyone hates their job, but there are universally unappealing aspects. That is why for every happy mom she found in the groups she tried to fit into, there were three unhappy ones - you will find this to be the same in any corporate setting. Some professionals have competent coworkers, and understanding bosses. Most do not. Complaining about these frustrations and seeking others' understanding of them is necessary for our emotional well-being. Just as the author has done by writing the post in question.
For all that I disagree with here, I absolutely love this well said affirmation: "If you’re proud of how you’re living your life, there’s no need to rephrase it to make it more palatable to those who don’t agree with its worth." However, I find it misguided in its application here. There is nothing helpful about implying that stay at home parents are ashamed of their choice because they found an analogy that works for them. It is certainly discouraging to outright say that they do not have self respect. I truly believe that having parenthood viewed as the investment in and contribution to society that it is does help change the culture of criticism applied to this choice of lifestyle. Speaking as one of "the people out there who actually have" a job, mine is a lifestyle that is hard but definitely worth the struggle to me. It consists of my job as a company representative, and my job as a parent.
5/29/2013
Protestor
Until last weekend, I had never protested anything. Well, sure, I protest things all the time, but never formally. The March Against Monsanto, however, was one that I was happy to join in. Food is important. That seems so silly to have to say, yet does need saying.
Years ago, after dropping off our children at kindergarten, I wanted to go get coffee with another mom. As I approached her, so did another mother, who proceeded to speak to her about the food being served in the school cafeteria. One of her issues was with the particular brand of yogurt being provided. I interrupted, "Well, at least it's yogurt. It's healthy."
I was given a look as though I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. "It has dyes, and additives, and sugar."
Her delivery was rough, but I do have to admit that I hadn't ever - ever - considered this. I had been brought up on boxed and canned food, as well as candy colored yogurt. How was this not okay? Since then, I have read much on food, and which foods are or are not healthy. My eating habits have completely changed, and having lived without these types of foods, I now understand how much sugar is added unnecessarily to almost everything, and I see how unnecessary dyes and additives are as well. But I remember well not knowing much about my food, and I know there are many people who still don't think too hard about it, having trusted food producers all their lives. There are so many of us who simply don't realize how fully our diet impacts our lives. I still struggle with this, thinking this junk or that junk won't hurt, but it does, and my body lets me know that it does. My anecdotal evidence aside, that we are headed to a near future where a couple of companies control our entire food supply absolutely outrages me. The argument in favor of GMOs is that they help feed the world. If that's true, how can people still be starving? It's because the companies that patent this food aren't giving it away. Even if they were, it would be a one-time deal, since planting the seeds from this food is completely illegal. Enough of my ranting for now. I encourage you to review the available information on both sides of the issue.
As for the protest itself, my local march happened on a beautiful Saturday. I had slathered myself in sunscreen and comfortable clothing. I didn't have a sign, but I didn't need one; the organizers had plenty, so I borrowed one. It simply read, "No 2 GMOs." Husband made an even simpler, but still terrific, sign: "Label it." We marched our 10 blocks, waving our signs at passers by, and waving them more enthusiastically when we were honked at. Not everyone shared our enthusiasm, which was certainly expected, but nothing bad happened.
On our walk back to headquarters, a woman driving by yelled out, "More GMOs! Extra GMOs!" Someone in our group yelled back a profanity, and I whispered to Husband, "She probably doesn't even know what GMOs are. She's just being a troll." He agreed. I didn't think about it too much right then, but now, I think, just you wait. I know there are people who don't understand protesting at all, ever. I was there because this cause is important to me for many reasons, but I realize that I'm no one to that stranger in her SUV at the stop light. Well, Stranger: just you wait. One day, you too will have a cause. Who knows what it may be: stopping texting while driving, your side of the abortion debate, raising awareness of the rare fatal disease you or your loved one is diagnosed with. You will have one. You may not organize or participate in a protest, or march, or even a Facebook group for your cause. But you will cheer upon your cause's victories, and boo upon its defeats. You will feel all the passion we feel about our cause. You may not act on that passion, though, and I can sympathize. I mean, you just never know when a random motorist will shout at you in favor of your opposition, and who needs that?
Years ago, after dropping off our children at kindergarten, I wanted to go get coffee with another mom. As I approached her, so did another mother, who proceeded to speak to her about the food being served in the school cafeteria. One of her issues was with the particular brand of yogurt being provided. I interrupted, "Well, at least it's yogurt. It's healthy."
I was given a look as though I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. "It has dyes, and additives, and sugar."
Her delivery was rough, but I do have to admit that I hadn't ever - ever - considered this. I had been brought up on boxed and canned food, as well as candy colored yogurt. How was this not okay? Since then, I have read much on food, and which foods are or are not healthy. My eating habits have completely changed, and having lived without these types of foods, I now understand how much sugar is added unnecessarily to almost everything, and I see how unnecessary dyes and additives are as well. But I remember well not knowing much about my food, and I know there are many people who still don't think too hard about it, having trusted food producers all their lives. There are so many of us who simply don't realize how fully our diet impacts our lives. I still struggle with this, thinking this junk or that junk won't hurt, but it does, and my body lets me know that it does. My anecdotal evidence aside, that we are headed to a near future where a couple of companies control our entire food supply absolutely outrages me. The argument in favor of GMOs is that they help feed the world. If that's true, how can people still be starving? It's because the companies that patent this food aren't giving it away. Even if they were, it would be a one-time deal, since planting the seeds from this food is completely illegal. Enough of my ranting for now. I encourage you to review the available information on both sides of the issue.
As for the protest itself, my local march happened on a beautiful Saturday. I had slathered myself in sunscreen and comfortable clothing. I didn't have a sign, but I didn't need one; the organizers had plenty, so I borrowed one. It simply read, "No 2 GMOs." Husband made an even simpler, but still terrific, sign: "Label it." We marched our 10 blocks, waving our signs at passers by, and waving them more enthusiastically when we were honked at. Not everyone shared our enthusiasm, which was certainly expected, but nothing bad happened.
On our walk back to headquarters, a woman driving by yelled out, "More GMOs! Extra GMOs!" Someone in our group yelled back a profanity, and I whispered to Husband, "She probably doesn't even know what GMOs are. She's just being a troll." He agreed. I didn't think about it too much right then, but now, I think, just you wait. I know there are people who don't understand protesting at all, ever. I was there because this cause is important to me for many reasons, but I realize that I'm no one to that stranger in her SUV at the stop light. Well, Stranger: just you wait. One day, you too will have a cause. Who knows what it may be: stopping texting while driving, your side of the abortion debate, raising awareness of the rare fatal disease you or your loved one is diagnosed with. You will have one. You may not organize or participate in a protest, or march, or even a Facebook group for your cause. But you will cheer upon your cause's victories, and boo upon its defeats. You will feel all the passion we feel about our cause. You may not act on that passion, though, and I can sympathize. I mean, you just never know when a random motorist will shout at you in favor of your opposition, and who needs that?
2/03/2013
Opthamologist
I have an eye thing. I have never had my vision tested, because once my husband told me they puff air in your eyes, any inkling I may have had to get an eye exam evaporated. Husband has no eye fears, having worn contacts for most of his life. He even went so far as to have PRK vision correction. His procedure was videotaped. Not only was it recorded, he has watched the recording. Not only has he watched it, he has convinced others to watch it with him. He has done this more than once. I have still never participated. I can't even wear sunglasses, because they're too close to my eyes for my comfort.
Last weekend, while I was watching my niece, 5-year-old Diva, and nephew, 2-year-old Buddy, Diva got a time out. While in time out, Buddy sat quietly next to her. He's so protective of his big sister. As her time out ended, and I was hugging her, I glanced at Buddy, still sitting quietly...SHOVING A TOY INTO HIS EYE. What. The.
"AAH! BUDDY, STOP!" He stopped, removed the toy, looked at my panicked face, and cried. He'd actually gotten this thing (it was a small peg that belongs to one of my son's games) a couple of millimeters into his eye socket. He wasn't hurt, my yelling had just scared him. I'm glad for that - maybe he won't try it again. I hope I didn't end up giving him my eye phobia, though. It's certainly not healthy. Besides, I have my own children to permanently traumatize.
Last weekend, while I was watching my niece, 5-year-old Diva, and nephew, 2-year-old Buddy, Diva got a time out. While in time out, Buddy sat quietly next to her. He's so protective of his big sister. As her time out ended, and I was hugging her, I glanced at Buddy, still sitting quietly...SHOVING A TOY INTO HIS EYE. What. The.
"AAH! BUDDY, STOP!" He stopped, removed the toy, looked at my panicked face, and cried. He'd actually gotten this thing (it was a small peg that belongs to one of my son's games) a couple of millimeters into his eye socket. He wasn't hurt, my yelling had just scared him. I'm glad for that - maybe he won't try it again. I hope I didn't end up giving him my eye phobia, though. It's certainly not healthy. Besides, I have my own children to permanently traumatize.
9/19/2012
Public Roadway Planner
When I was a kid, my mom would communicate with no ambiguity that she disliked driving. I didn't understand, because I couldn't wait to start driving. I couldn't get enough of my cozy coupe. I longed for a Power Wheels. Driving a golf cart and a boat was the highlight of my twelfth summer. I literally dreamed - multiple times - of driving an actual automobile on an actual street. Now that I've been driving for nearly 20 years and sometimes have multiple car trips a day between myself and the kids, I do understand. There are laws regarding commuting - laws which you don't even realize are laws until you have some driving experience under your timing belt.
Laws such as:
If the speed limit increases, the sign will be visible to the driver behind you from 5 miles away.
If the speed limit decreases, the sign will be visible to no one but you at any time.
If you are in the left lane and traffic requires that you slow down to get into the right lane, your blinker will be ignored and you will be passed on the right repeatedly.
If your blinker is working, it will be ignored by all.
If your blinker is somehow not working, you will be honked at by all.
No other driver knows what hazard lights are for but you. Prepare to be honked at.
When you decide to run a yellow light, it will turn red faster.
When you decide to stop for a yellow light, three more cars will go through before it turns red.
Potholes only get filled on streets you take twice a year.
Upon driving through a slow construction zone, your bladder will immediately shrink to the size of a pinhead.
When you finally decide to take the route your husband swears is fastest, that is where the construction will be.
There are many more that I'm not able to think of at the moment, but give me a long enough commute and I'll be more than confident that I could plan the roadways better than these current jokers.
Laws such as:
If the speed limit increases, the sign will be visible to the driver behind you from 5 miles away.
If the speed limit decreases, the sign will be visible to no one but you at any time.
If you are in the left lane and traffic requires that you slow down to get into the right lane, your blinker will be ignored and you will be passed on the right repeatedly.
If your blinker is working, it will be ignored by all.
If your blinker is somehow not working, you will be honked at by all.
No other driver knows what hazard lights are for but you. Prepare to be honked at.
When you decide to run a yellow light, it will turn red faster.
When you decide to stop for a yellow light, three more cars will go through before it turns red.
Potholes only get filled on streets you take twice a year.
Upon driving through a slow construction zone, your bladder will immediately shrink to the size of a pinhead.
When you finally decide to take the route your husband swears is fastest, that is where the construction will be.
There are many more that I'm not able to think of at the moment, but give me a long enough commute and I'll be more than confident that I could plan the roadways better than these current jokers.
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