Target has swimsuits out already. Did anyone bother to remind them that it's February? This is more ridiculous than Christmas decorations set out for sale before Halloween. Although in all honesty, I may have been grateful for the extra time if I were still searching for a suit myself. Fortunately for me, I found one last year.
Not that it was an easy feat. Swimsuit shopping is not your average woman's favorite pastime. For me, it's a chore greater than any other. Ever. Swimsuit manufacturers don't seem to know that women of my type exist. Petite but not skinny; well-endowed but not by surgical enhancement. One-piece suits usually fit me awkwardly, which limits me to tankinis, and all swimsuit candidates must include bust support, which limits me to none of them. Oh, sure, swimsuit manufacturers pretend to cater to larger-chested women, sizing swimsuits by bra size, advertising underwire and support. I want to believe the tags on these suits, which is why I try on so many before giving up. But what I've discovered is that by "bra size" on these suits, they mean "enough flimsy stretch fabric to prevent your arrest for indecent exposure," "underwire" means "a wire sewn into the flimsy stretch fabric...not that we attached it to anything structural," and "support" means "... - actually, I don't know what the hell they mean, since there is none.
I've never aspired to be a model of any kind in my life, but now part of me would love to become a professional swimsuit model, just to show these designers how out of touch they are with real women's bodies. To show them that their cute bikinis on the racks at Target aren't so cute when they're stretched out like a plastic bag carrying 2 gallon-sized jugs of water.
