Appliance Repairperson

I'm at war with my microwave. I've been saving it from Goodwill by repeatedly assuring Husband that no, we don't need a new one, this one works just fine, even if it is 12 years old and the door does stick a bit. And how does Microwave repay me? By exploding things. The first was butter: I nuked it for far too long, and it exploded. Fine, my fault. I cleaned the mess and the butter re-congealed. This time, in fewer than 10 seconds, Microwave blew up the butter again. Tomato sauce was next: in fewer than 30 seconds, this starts gushing. But. it's. still. cold. Frozen raspberries: set Microwave on "Defrost." Mic says "Autosensing." I walk away until I hear the chime, at which time I return to a diorama of the shower scene from Psycho.
I suppose Mic could be telling me it likes being cleaned. Perhaps, being practically a teenager, it is seeking attention. Perhaps Husband convinced it that it would be happier at the thrift store, making friends with other microwaves. All I know for sure is that I want my microwave back. Oh, Mic, don't you remember sharing recipes with me? Blowing the fuse in my 100-year-old house? And your chime is like the laughter of angels - can't we just be friends again?

Hoarder

I've been watching Hoarders. I understand that these people have very real mental troubles that I am not attempting to make light of. The show itself, however, makes a good drinking game. Rules: Hoarding due to tragedy - shot; Animals involved - shot; Hoarder is resistant to the whole process - shot; That one male organizer is being a dick - shot; Male Hoarder - 2 shots; hell, finish the bottle if you spot this rarity.
Hoarders makes me feel better as a housekeeper, but only because I recognize that it's a glimpse of what my life would have been like if I'd never married and had kids, and possibly even what my life will become once the kids have moved out and my husband has left me for Terry Farrell. I love to shop. I am reluctant to get rid of things. I don't have sufficient space for the things I currently have. I would have animals if it weren't for my allergies. Since I've started watching the show, though, I have been able to get rid of things, and I haven't bought as much. I've also thought more about what I am buying, whether I truly love or need it. Some things that I buy I never think of again, and that's the habit I need to break. If I don't, someone may have to call A&E.