I hate giving blog posts like
this attention. I really, really do, because they are obvious emotional reflex testers; designed to stir controversy in order to draw attention. But in this case, I am happy to add my voice of dissent to such an insult to parents.
The work in question is "Being A Stay At Home Mother Is Not A Job," by Liz Pardue Schultz. She begins the article by saying she was a stay at home mother for five years, so that qualifies her to say that, even though it is hard work, it is not a job; it is a privilege, but a hobby. I understand that the author is applying a very narrow definition of the word 'job' to this entire assertion, and I won't disagree that those of us who are able to procreate are fortunate. I also won't say that it isn't worthy of being called a job. While 'job' has many definitions, 'hobby' is defined as an activity that is not a main occupation. I so very much wanted to stay home with my children, but I was not able to. I have worked full time (with one short bout of unemployment) throughout both of my kids' lives, and I still would never refer to raising them as a hobby. Their well being is my main occupation, regardless of what my career may be. If people begin viewing the propagation of our species as a hobby, we will die out. If people begin viewing parenting their children as a hobby, civilization will no doubt suffer greatly.
This excerpt reads, "having someone else foot the bill for a lifestyle that only benefits you and your close family is by no means a “job,”" just one paragraph after the phrase "the children they decided to contribute to society," is used. Ironic, since if we parents are doing our jobs successfully, the benefits will reach far beyond us and our close families. The choices we make as parents are our method of shaping the person we give the world into an asset to that world. That should not be minimized.
Secondarily, when referencing someone else footing the bill, is this defined as the other party who contributed to the creation of the child in question? It shouldn't need pointing out that it is very much also their bill to foot. Is this to mean the taxes that were pooled for assistance programs some parents participate in? The taxes that the author and her husband paid? The assistance programs that benefit the child that will later benefit society? Taxpayers also fund pubic schools, because it is an investment in our collective future. Is teaching a privilege? Perhaps for many, but it's also a job.
Another argument made is that running a household is something that every adult must do, regardless of their parental status, and they don't consider those things their life's work. I see her point; however, these things we do outside of a company-generated paycheck actually can contribute to one's career. Have you ever noticed that job applications prompt you to list any hobbies that may be relevant to the job? If you were seeking a career in child care, well, being a parent is experience. Going camping? Throwing a friend a party? Caring for your elderly parents? These (all are examples from the article) can be opportunities that allow you to answer those sometimes challenging "Tell me about a time when..." interview questions. Or, they may simply contribute to how you tackle a project at work. My point is there are hobbies we do that, while not generating income, are influences on our career, or our general world view.
A job is not only what you do outside the home, or what will fill the "Occupation" field on your death certificate. It is also not an undertaking that is only bitched about. A job can simply be the task you are obligated to do, and the choice to rear a human is quite an obligation (with many smaller obligations necessary to complete the task). Not everyone hates their job, but there are universally unappealing aspects. That is why for every happy mom she found in the groups she tried to fit into, there were three unhappy ones - you will find this to be the same in any corporate setting. Some professionals have competent coworkers, and understanding bosses. Most do not. Complaining about these frustrations and seeking others' understanding of them is necessary for our emotional well-being. Just as the author has done by writing the post in question.
For all that I disagree with here, I absolutely love this well said affirmation: "If you’re proud of how you’re living your life, there’s no need to rephrase it to make it more palatable to those who don’t agree with its worth." However, I find it misguided in its application here. There is nothing helpful about implying that stay at home parents are ashamed of their choice because they found an analogy that works for them. It is certainly discouraging to outright say that they do not have self respect. I truly believe that having parenthood viewed as the investment in and contribution to society that it is does help change the culture of criticism applied to this choice of lifestyle. Speaking as one of "the people out there who actually have" a job, mine is a lifestyle that is hard but definitely worth the struggle to me. It consists of my job as a company representative, and my job as a parent.
